Solutions for Successful Aging

10 Years & "The Long Goodbye"

July 29, 2008 First Blog:
It is hard to believe that it has been 10 years since Jack (my sweet Daddy) died! This has been an interesting and difficult journey which has been saddened even more by our (almost) 94 year old Mother's progression with Alzheimer's Disease - appropriately called "The Long Goodbye".

Mother had been in Assisted Living for the last 8 years, but that no longer met her needs as her sciatic nerve attacks and "forgetfulness" worsened. Last December, after a particularly bad sciatic nerve event, our daughter, Elisabeth (a Hospice Nurse) helped us get Mother under Hospice care. Just having this one resource was a huge relief and help! In April, it became necessary to move Mother into a nursing home - something I said "we would never do". Finally, we realized that we were just unable to take proper care of Mother at home. The dreaded "Nursing Home" seemed the only solution, and it has been one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do.

In April, Mother was admitted to the nursing home long-term care medical unit. Since her medical needs are minimal (except for her sciatic nerve events) this did not really meet her needs and after a couple of weeks they notified us they could not keep her as she did not meet medical criteria to be in long-term care! I think this is the third time she has been "kicked out" of a nursing home - our Ever Ready Bunny!! Thankfully, they allowed her to stay until May when they had an opening in their Special Care Dementia Unit - which we reluctantly accepted.

Our son, Bryan (Dr. Ford), has been a huge help in helping to educate us about the philosophy of an environmentally controlled unit for dementia care (these units are few and far between). This is a small unit (12 semi-private rooms) and a homelike setting. Whereas she was exhausting herself rolling around the huge open nursing home previously (looking for her "hotel room - among strangers") she now is secluded in this small setting with consistent staff and caregivers. We still have sitters with her a few hours a day, but hopefully we will be able to stop soon.

Mother seems more and more peaceful in her new environment even though her memory worsens weekly. Now she is asking me; "How did I lose my leg?" I guess some things are better forgotten. Sadly, she loses the good with the bad. She seems mostly happy now with random bouts of fearful confusion. And we are just enjoying being with her and reluctantly "adjusting" to this journey.

Daddy's death caught us off-guard and unprepared for Mother's care. For the last 10 years, we have had to mostly "find our own way" in her elder care with little and random support, encouragement and knowledge of medical, financial and community resources. Figuring it all out has been a confusing and difficult journey.

Now through CaringSource, cohesive resources, support and help are available. And...How great it is to be able to share our experiences and help each other as we navigate these waters of old age together. God bless CaringSource!!

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Comment by Robyn Blaikie Collins on July 31, 2008 at 11:55pm: Ginny, Thank you for sharing your journey with us. We are honored to traverse these challenging next steps with you. Your trust and belief in CaringSource are going to be the encouragement others need to share their own stories, and as we all know... this is the best way to get through times like this, together... You have us at your service.

Comment by Ginny on August 1, 2008 at 12:59pm: Thank you, Robyn. This is one "journey" I look forward to!

Comment by Roberta Culberson on August 2, 2008 at 7:16am: Hi Ginny, I am so thankful that your mother is in a smaller, home style environment. If you remember, we went through the same situation with my mother, moving her around and she was happiest and more content in the smaller home environment. We love you and keep you and your mother in our prayers. Hang in there. The journey is not always present, but there will be funny and sad things happening along the way. Take care of yourself so you will be strong enough to handle the journey.

Roberta

Comment by Ginny on August 2, 2008 at 10:43am: Thanks, Roberta! Would love to see you and catch up. I know the road has been a long one for your family too. Guess we aren't far behind our parents so we better educate our kids and make them aware of these resources. I'm trying to get all my ducks in a row so our kids won't have such a hard time. It's hard enough when things are dealt with in advance!

Comment by Tina Stokes on August 8, 2008 at 6:37am: Hi Ginny. I cried as I read your story as it made me think of our two stories that ended on June 16, 1997 and March 26, 1998. I have loving memories, as well as hard ones, that make me look on those years and smile and cry. I believe God will bless each one of us for taking special care of those who cared for us. Tina

Comment by Robyn Blaikie Collins on August 10, 2008 at 1:16am: Tina. I could not agree more. To serve others is the most crucial thing we can do to honor God and heal ourselves. Was it not He who said "He who has done unto the least of these, has done unto the Father."... it was... I'm grateful for your sake that you can say that you've done these things.

Comment by Ginny on August 10, 2008 at 9:36pm: Thanks Tina and Robin. Curiously, we lost our Dad April 27, 1998 (our daughter's 19th birthday) - very close to Tina's loss. It gives me strength to know others are going through the same things and coming out on the other side OK...laughing and crying! I must admit that some days I just want to grab my Mom and make her "snap out of it!" She was always so sharp. But I see so many ways God is still using her...still has a purpose for her life.

Comment by Bonnie Middleton on August 15, 2008 at 9:19am: My mother also has Alzheimer's and is in a small, home-like assisted living setting. I couldn't be more pleased with the care she gets. She's 87 and has shown symptoms of Alzheimer's for almost eight years. My dad died a year ago (June 2007) and she doesn't realize he's gone. I guess that's good in a way. I was recently asked by the staff where she is to call in Hospice for extra care. It's been a long journey and I've had the support of my brothers and sister, even tho they are all in different states, they are an encouragement to me. My husband and girls are there when I need a shoulder to cry on. I keep wondering why the Lord allows her to stay on this earth, but, of course, He knows better than I do.

Comment by Carole Larkin on September 23, 2008 at 7:49am: I am a geriatric care manager that specializes in helping families that has a member with one of the dementias. Yes, they are awful, awful diseases. they can tear apart families as well as tear apart the person with the disease. I know, because aside from being a professional in the field, I am also the daughter of a mother in the early midstages of alzheimer's.