Solutions for Successful Aging
A Terrible Thief!
Alzheimer's...A Terrible Thief! Now, it has stolen my Mother's telephone!
When we put Mother into the “Dementia Unit” the Director suggested we not continue to have her TV or telephone in her room. It wasn’t bad enough that she was going into a semi-private room! A roommate, after all these years? And NO TV?! I was prepared for the worst, but I wasn’t about to give up our lifeline…the phone!
As it turned out, she doesn’t even know she has a roommate, so no issue there.
They have a community TV in the “Living Room” that continually plays Gospel DVD’s and shows like George burns & Gracie Allen. Short shows that they recognize. So, she has never even asked about her TV. No problem!
The telephone, though. It was the only way I could call her or she could call and let me know she needed help. Couldn’t see how I could ever disconnect that! Well, not until day after day when I got 30-40 calls and 21 voice mails in an hour. I was frustrated and exhausted and she was frantic and would forget that we had just hung up or why she had called! Finally, I realized that it was in HER best interest for me to take the phone away. The staff didn’t know she was in her room calling me every minute and I couldn’t meet her needs on the phone. I realized she needed to transfer her dependence on me to her caretakers in her new home…for both our sakes!
Strangely, she has never mentioned that her phone is gone! About once a day she takes my number (written on an index card) to the nurses and asks them to call me (which they do). And the staff is better able to see her emotional and physical state before she gets into a frenzy and help her. And I am way less frustrated! Guess I also needed to learn to cast my dependence onto the staff…and onto our loving Heavenly Father!
I still have sitters from 5 PM to 10 PM every day and I can speak to Mother every night at bedtime on the sitter’s cell phones. That will have to be the next thing to go. So sad…but will think about that tomorrow…
When we put Mother into the “Dementia Unit” the Director suggested we not continue to have her TV or telephone in her room. It wasn’t bad enough that she was going into a semi-private room! A roommate, after all these years? And NO TV?! I was prepared for the worst, but I wasn’t about to give up our lifeline…the phone!
As it turned out, she doesn’t even know she has a roommate, so no issue there.
They have a community TV in the “Living Room” that continually plays Gospel DVD’s and shows like George burns & Gracie Allen. Short shows that they recognize. So, she has never even asked about her TV. No problem!
The telephone, though. It was the only way I could call her or she could call and let me know she needed help. Couldn’t see how I could ever disconnect that! Well, not until day after day when I got 30-40 calls and 21 voice mails in an hour. I was frustrated and exhausted and she was frantic and would forget that we had just hung up or why she had called! Finally, I realized that it was in HER best interest for me to take the phone away. The staff didn’t know she was in her room calling me every minute and I couldn’t meet her needs on the phone. I realized she needed to transfer her dependence on me to her caretakers in her new home…for both our sakes!
Strangely, she has never mentioned that her phone is gone! About once a day she takes my number (written on an index card) to the nurses and asks them to call me (which they do). And the staff is better able to see her emotional and physical state before she gets into a frenzy and help her. And I am way less frustrated! Guess I also needed to learn to cast my dependence onto the staff…and onto our loving Heavenly Father!
I still have sitters from 5 PM to 10 PM every day and I can speak to Mother every night at bedtime on the sitter’s cell phones. That will have to be the next thing to go. So sad…but will think about that tomorrow…
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jeanette Meyer on -
My heart goes out to you. I know how hard it must be. My mother also has Alzheimers, Dementia and Parkinson's disease. I understand your worry and the process of letting go of things that seem a link or lifeline to ourselves. I have had to almost "let go" of the mother that I was knew and accept the mother that I now see lying in front of me each day. Accepting the daily changes and challenges with this disease is a new and learning process with the common thread of sadness running through it.
It sounds like your mom is making necessary changes without knowing it, and as always it is harder for the family I think to make the changes. You took a great leap of faith in trusting the medical people who really know what is best, that is my hardest obstacle sometimes, when I like to think that I - her daughter may know what is best when in fact, I don't, I have learned to trust those that I have chosen to trust my mother's health with. It is great to learn that when the advice of the professionals work, we are encouraged to allow others to help us. Thank you for reminding me of this. Have a great day and God bless you for caring for your mother and loving her.
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